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上帝知道人们喜爱奇迹却苦于不知道如何去创造奇迹的烦恼后,便打造了一扇"奇迹"之门,人们只要通过这扇门,愿望就能实现。闻讯后,人们蜂拥而至,一个个都欣喜若狂。
然而意想不到的事情发生了,上帝不小心遗失了开启大门的钥匙。人们开始焦虑起来。上帝望着焦急的人群,饱含深意地说:"你们每个人都可以去开启这扇门,但机会只有一次。"于是,有人用万能钥匙去试,用花言巧语去游说,用蛮力去推,甚至还有人用东西去砸,皆不得要领,失望而归。最后只剩下一对母女,一家公司的员工和一位元首。
上帝仔细端详着他们,问道:"你们难道还不想放弃?"小女孩天真地笑了笑,指了指那扇门,说:"爷爷,我们还没试过呢!"上帝捻了捻他那长长的白须,仰身大笑:"那你们就去试试吧!"小女孩便走上前,轻轻地敲了敲,依依呀呀地说:"我想送给妈妈一条暖和的围巾,因为妈妈的那围巾已经不暖和了,冬天骑车送我上学的时候,淘气的雪花直往妈妈的脖子里钻,很冷的。"站在一旁的妈妈早已热泪盈眶,她不知道女儿的心愿竟是为了这个。"吱呀"一声,奇迹之门开了!
轮到员工们的时候,他们的代表怀着沉痛的心情向门陈述着他们的心事:公司快要破产了,但我们不想离开她,那儿是我们洒下汗水的地方,我们把自己的青春献给了她,她也给了我们家的温暖。这个时候,我们怎能弃她而去呢?好比是坐上了一条破烂不堪的船,如果船上的人只顾逃跑,它一定会被无情的海水吞噬的。门开了!又一次开了!
最后只剩下那个国家元首,他虔诚地对着那扇门说,请您赐福于我的邻国吧,上帝忙问:"什么,邻国?难道你不是为了自己的国家而来的吗?""不,我的国家现在很太平,这份难得的太平归功于我的邻国,他们在我们最困难的时候,给予我很大的帮助,可他们现在面临的困难,单凭我国的力量还不足以帮助克服……"门第三次开了!
当他们穿越那扇门时,小女孩找到了一条适合母亲的围巾,员工们找到了发展工厂的秘诀,元首帮助邻国走出了困境。
上帝在他的日记中写道:"奇迹"之门只为心中有爱的人而开!哪里有感恩之心传递,哪里就会有爱的奇迹!其实,这句话是上帝对整个世界的承诺,小到个人,大到国家,乃至整个世界。
【简评】是巧妙的悬念,让这篇神话走上了满分的舞台。当欣喜若狂的人们都无法打开"奇迹之门"时,
3. 根据所标序号进行修改并说明修改的理由; 4. 给学生习作点评;
5. 请点评名师提供简历一份,包括:学校、职务、 职称、荣誉、教研教学成果、照片一张。
投稿邮箱: 或
来稿请寄: 430079 华中师范大学外国语学院《中学生英语》 杂志社 收
本期点评名师
姜经志 男,中学英语高级教师,省级骨干教师,淮北市优秀教师,中国外语学习研究会会员,《学英语》、《英语周报》特约编辑、《中学生英语》兼职编委。多年来,在省级以上报刊发表文章800余篇,并有多篇论文获奖。曾主编《初中生英语满分作文大全》、《英语奥林匹克》、《新目标英语八年级暑假作业》,参编《高中英语知识点反馈与阅读》、《初中英语题典大全》、《21世纪英语学习指南》、《初中英语新作文》、《中学生英语水平测试》等10余册,辅导学生30余人次在国家和省级英语竞赛中获奖。
An Embarrassing Morning
I had a bad morning. First of all, I was late for school. My head teacher Mr. Li was very angry with me. The second class was math. The teacher asked me to hand out① my homework when I realized that I had forgotten② it in my bedroom. I had to say sorry to my math teacher. After class, Mr. Li asked me to go to his office. When I went into the office, I was nearly knocked down by another teacher whom③ was in a hurry. I was very embarrassed. Mr. Li was angry with me because④ my carelessness. I felt very sorry.
What an embarrassing morning!
安徽省濉溪县四铺中心学校九(2)班 惠琳
1. 优点:
小作者描写了自己经历的尴尬的早上,用词准确,表达生动,语意连贯,而且能熟练运用复杂的句式如定语从句等。
2. 需要修改的地方:
① hand out 改为hand in。hand out意为“分发”;表示“上交”应用hand in。
② forgotten改为left。forget 表示忘记了某事物或忘了要做的事;leave 表示把某物遗忘在某地了。
③whom 改为who。关系代词在定语从句中作主语,应用who,而不能用whom。
④because改为because of。because表示“因为”时只用作连词,引导原因状语从句;because of意为“因为”,相当于一个介词,后接名词、动名词或代词构成表示原因的短语。
3. 评分:
按中考英语作文满分20分的标准,本文修改前可得18分。
出生日期:2001年11月12日
爱好:唱歌
座右铭:自信是成功的第一秘诀。
就读学校:江苏省连云港市罗阳中学初三(5)班
指导老师:王桂馨
My Favourite Film Star
My favourite film star is Kim Soo Hyun. He is famous all over the world.
Kim Soo Hyun was born on 16 February, 1988. He was born in Seoul, South Korea. In 2007, he started acting. He is tall and handsome. He is an experienced actor and he is good at singing and dancing.
Since his first scene play The Pickled Cheese Smile, Kim Soo Hyun has acted in many successful films and dramas, including Dream High in 2011, Secretly Greatly in 2013, My Love from the Star in 2013. He won several international awards such as the Award for Best New Actor at the Korean Grand Bell Awards in 2013. He also won an Award for Best Actor from the Seoul International Film Festival in 2014.
Kim Soo Hyun is considered by many people as a superstar. I believe his acting skills will be even better in the future.An English Corner
Our class wants to hold an English Corner. I made a survey to see how my classmates think about it. Most of them think it is a good idea, but 30% of them don’t.
Some think the English Corner can make their school life more colorful. They can also learn something new. What’s more, they can practise their oral English there. But others don’t think so. They say they have too much homework to do. They have little time for the English Corner. Some of them are not good at expressing their own ideas in English, so they don’t want to speak English at all.
In my opinion, we should have such an English Corner. If we are not good at speaking English, we should practise more.
出生日期:2000年11月12日
爱好:唱歌
座右铭:自信是成功的第一秘诀。